Confession time … The title of this post is extremely significant for a few reasons, and not a single one of them has to do with the late, great Prince who made my play on words relevant. My borderline obsession with post titles is well-documented, and this is no exception.
But first …I have missed this so much. This writing. This space. This therapeutic feeling that washes over me when I am able to begin sorting through the half a million thoughts swimming around in my head right now.
My family and I are blessed to be able to travel so frequently during the summers and to experience life in many different ways – but cramming so much into a relatively short time frame and topping it off with showings, packing, moving and the kids starting a new school came at a price this year. The cost was sanity. Theirs and mine.
Sometimes it was an “adventure” to figure out where we were headed next every time we got in the car. Other times it was just a meltdown waiting to happen. I had stopped running, and writing – both of which generally bring me great peace – because there was just no time. We were up the river without a paddle, so to speak, probably because it had already gotten packed and shoved to the back of one our three storage units just hoping to find the light of day at some point in the foreseeable future.
A few weeks ago I tried to get back into a regular running routine mostly to combat the lbs of stress eating I had done over the summer. And because I realized the Beyond Monumental Half Marathon (formerly IMM) was only 12 weeks away at the time! As my runs got more frequent, I noticed my mood was improved on the days I had run. Don’t get me wrong, I was also exhausted from getting up at dark thirty – something I will have to continue to retrain my body to do! But the more I ran, the better I felt.
So when I got home from work one day last week feeling particularly overwhelmed, I knew there was only one thing to do. Run. I knew it was going to rain. The clouds had been dark and overcast all day. I didn’t care. I grabbed my watch, an old pair of shoes and one of my favorite hats and set off to explore my new neighborhood on foot. My /purple/ flower came along for the ride.
My first mile was 2 minutes faster than my current “comeback” pace. No Excuses.
It was threatening rain, and cloudy and humid. So humid. No Excuses.
When the rain came, at first it was refreshing. But it wasn’t long before the light rain became a torrential downpour. Fearing for the iPhone I had slipped into my running belt on my way out the door, I found a covered porch with a box at the front door and prayed that meant the residents of said house weren’t home so I wouldn’t look completely crazy (or creepy) for escaping the storm under their overhang. Still, No Excuses.
I finished 4 of my intended 6 miles that afternoon and realized, after I literally sprinted home (this was my last mile!) that /purple/ was the perfect choice for that run because it means No Excuses!
The odds are against me. Too old. Too slow. Self-doubt.Having a baby. Just had a baby. No time. No training partner. The kids need me. It’s dark out. It’s too early. I’m tired. I have to work. It hurts. I’m scared they’ll laugh. Doctor said I shouldn’t. Can’t find a sitter. Life is too busy. I look in the mirror and don’t see a runner. What If I Fail?
No More Excuses. I’m doing this anyway.
the Fellow Flowers definition of their /purple/ flower
For whatever reason, I generally only wear my flowers on race day but rarely for a training run. (Getting dressed to run at dark-thirty doesn’t allow for a lot of accessorizing.) And honestly, I probably wouldn’t have ever chosen the /purple/ flower for myself because so many of the other colors’ meanings resonate more strongly with me. This one is actually my daughter’s flower and she selected it because it’s her favorite color. But for some reason I had packed all of these flowers together before the move and when it came time to leave for my run that day, /purple/ found it’s way into my ponytail.
I’m so glad it did – because right about here …
I titled this post. The words had been swirling around in my head for weeks, maybe months but in no organized manner. My obsession with post titles meant I was having a hard time focusing in on how I wanted to share these thoughts.
Thanks to Prince and that /purple/ flower I knew it was time to write it down. And sentence by sentence I’m learning to let it go …